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A boy and his mother at a park in Sham Shui Po on May 7. Despite the heavy attention on the deciling birth rate in Hong Kong and many other societies, barriers to motherhood and prejudice against working mothers make having children a difficult choice for many women. Photo: Yik Yeung-man
Opinion
Alice Wu
Alice Wu

Hong Kong mothers shouldn’t have to apologise for demands of parenting

  • Despite governments around the world fretting over falling birth rates, society still puts up many barriers to mothers returning to the workforce
  • This Mother’s Day, let’s work to help mothers feel truly supported rather than penalised for choosing to have children and also wanting to work
Alice Wu
Alice Wu
Why you can trust SCMP

I am a mother of a five year old. It has taken me four years to fully embrace that title.

It’s not that I didn’t like the title – it’s one I’m immensely honoured and humbled to hold. But I struggled with being defined solely by motherhood. I was perhaps naive to believe it would be part of my identity and not wipe out the rest.

Motherhood is wonderful, challenging, overwhelming, chaotic, exhausting – and more. However, when it comes to work – and by that I mean for mothers who, for whatever reason, choose to pursue a professional life in addition to parenting – motherhood is not a curriculum vitae booster.

I am the first to admit I have it good; I have support that I know is not readily available to others. I would not be able to write, do my work and take up projects without my mother, who has been hands-on with my child since Day 1. There’s also my husband, who has remained positive and involved despite his own struggles with being a new father.

On top of that, I am blessed with a domestic worker who has done so much for the home and taken care of my child as her own. My son’s paternal grandparents are actively involved. His teachers and our friends have all been pillars of constant support for the family. It truly takes a village to raise a child, and my village is the reason I can have a life in addition to being a mother.

03:05

Hong Kong halves buyer’s stamp duty for non-residents as part of measures to boost economy

Hong Kong halves buyer’s stamp duty for non-residents as part of measures to boost economy
I, along with most mothers, can attest to the fact that it is not easy. Our bodies – including our brains, according to some studies – undergo changes while pregnant and post-partum. The baby becomes an all-consuming focus for many mothers. This is how we survive as a species, and why parental leave exists.

An opportunity to work on a project with women who have been recognised as advocates for women, mothers and children with disabilities came along when my son was in his last semester of nursery school. I thought I had really lucked out. What a good way to welcome the change in my status, I thought.

I was up front with what I needed. I could commit to three days a week, with an afternoon blocked out for my child’s speech therapy, and I needed the start date to happen after my child “graduated” from nursery school as no school buses were offered for children that age.

Unfortunately, nothing turned out as planned – an experience that is a constant as a parent. The project started two weeks early, meetings were scheduled during those speech therapy sessions, and soon three days a week morphed into at least five.

02:23

Chinese mother completes 13km run with baby in stroller

Chinese mother completes 13km run with baby in stroller

I found myself apologising for motherhood. “I’m sorry, but I have to take him to speech therapy.” “I’m sorry I have to meet his teachers.”

This is part of the motherhood penalty. Unequal pay is the biggest part, but there are others, like what I experienced and the similar woes of the countless mothers who also want to be in the workforce. A 2018 Equal Opportunities Commission study on family status discrimination shed light on the challenges motherhood poses for women. More than half of Hong Kong employers said they did not want to hire women with children.
It is no wonder mothers often feel shunned and have to apologise for being a parent, take pay cuts or suffer unfavourable treatment. The government cannot afford to ignore the price of parenthood.
Researchers from youth-based think tank MWYO have raised concerns over the lack of targeted policies and measures in place for young single parents. The government must look into the diverse needs of young people who are of child-rearing age and in the prime of their career development. There are real obstacles to them entering the workforce, and childcare is just one.
We celebrate mothers today, recognising the sacrifices they make to be present and care for their children. But in today’s world – where many countries are faced with a demographic crisis amid extremely low birth rates – asking mothers to make more sacrifices at their own expense and furthering inequality is not right.

We should be celebrating, embracing and encouraging motherhood in ways that truly support mothers instead of penalising them for making a choice that has a huge impact on society.

Alice Wu is a political consultant and a former associate director of the Asia Pacific Media Network at UCLA

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