Paternal advice on fatherhood
Once upon a time paternity was about whose genes had been passed on to whom. Paternity has now become synonymous with fathering in the way that maternity has always been synonymous with mothering.
Bringing up children is a struggle for both parents. That often means fathers are concerned enough about upbringing to run to baby care gurus such as Sheila Kitzinger and Penelope Leach, just as mothers do. And guess what? They are just as dissatisfied with the answers.
Hence a book like this, from a father's perspective 'that tells it the way it is'. Yet the ambivalence of fatherhood never really gets thrown out with the bath water. It is intense, but not quite as intense as motherhood. And unlike maternal instinct, paternal instinct has more to do with pride and self worth - 'The feeling of being a father, though: that was terrific. Away from any sort of social pressure or middle-class ritual - in fact, on my own, whenever possible, without even the distracting presence of the baby - it was a fantastic sensation', says Jennings.
Nonetheless, a badge of honour is not enough. New Dads at least have to be seen to be trying - easier now disposables have replaced towelling nappies that Jennings insists no dad, new or otherwise, would ever go near.
As they muck in, New Dads have discovered what mothers have known all along - a huge gap between parenting and parenting theory.
No one seems prepared to tell you about the drudgery, the inane parent-child rows, the struggle to civilise the uncivilised - also known as child rearing - and the sheer boredom and thanklessness of a large part of it.
Mothers may suppress these feelings in the knowledge that if they don't do it, who will? Fathers, we realise from Jennings, find it much harder to deal with or, as the chirpy dust jacket puts it: 'at least you'll know that it's not just you. Fatherhood is actually meant to be impossible'.
But this is not just a book about bringing up children from a father's perspective.
Unlike light-hearted mothering books by women on the same subject such as Libby Purves' popular How Not To Be A Perfect Mother.
This is not a book about children. More about fathers. Having said that, it is unpretentious, heartfelt and sincere, and often very funny, in a self-effacing way. Jennings can laugh at all the foibles and never once reaches for the Valium.
But then, Jennings may not be your typical dad.
For one thing, as a writer he works from home and sees rather more of his offspring than most dads. But precisely because he is at home, he is less familiar with the women's lot of having to juggle the pressures both work and home.
One is suspicious that the little woman does indeed come home at five after a gruelling day's work and mucks in, regardless.
Complete role reversal giving 'the woman the out-all-hours big-money-job and the man all the arduous sub-contracted labour of family building' has never been something anyone has striven for, particularly not fathers.
'What are we striving for? Equality? Or merely the chance to participate in someone else's drudgery?' he wonders. And there's the crux of it. Whatever the joys of fathering, dads are not that keen on replacing mums.
Mothering has always been isolating. Mother and baby groups, mother and toddler groups and coffee mornings were set up to respond to the need for contact.
Fathers who chip in are finding themselves cut off as well, perhaps even more so.
There are probably more fathers than ever before looking for support, reassurance and another male in a similar situation to swap family lore with. This book is for them.
And mums will also enjoy it - with a superior smile about their faces. The situations are all too familiar, even if the paternal way of dealing with it is different.
Father's Race by Charles Jennings, Little, Brown, $288
