My 11-year-old daughter wants a social media account like her friends, but I think she is too young
- Many primary schoolchildren are already on social media and there is heavy peer pressure for youngsters to join
- There are many concerns about addiction, depression and the negative effects of social media
My Year Six daughter is desperate to sign up to social media, but I strongly believe she’s too young, a Hong Kong parent writes. She’s getting distressed about being left out and says she’s missing out on lots of social interactions at school. Other parents allowing their underage children to sign up has left us in a difficult situation. Can schools do more to help?
A surprising number of primary age students are already on social media, having lied about their age to enrol. It is likely that some of the parents of your daughter’s friends are not aware of their children’s accounts. However, many other parents have a relaxed view about the underage use of social media, putting others like yourself in an awkward position.
Huge concerns have been expressed about the addictive and sometimes toxic effects of social media. These companies are under increasing pressure to make more effort to enforce age limits to protect children from bullying, self-harm, grooming and unsuitable images. However, young people often work out ways of getting around these obstacles and popular platforms continue to be easily accessible to children even younger than Year Six.
Peer pressure for children to be on social media is enormous as it is now the main way youngsters communicate and socialise. As in your daughter’s case, this puts pressure on parents who often cave in as they cannot bear to see their child feeling isolated or left out of the social group.
Rising concerns about poorer mental health and the negative impact of sedentary lifestyles have led experts to examine the consequences of using social media. A recent report revealed that young people are now so addicted to screens that in some cases they are abandoning hobbies and friends. Nearly a third of nine- to 16-year-olds admitted that they would spend all day on the internet if they could. The same proportion reported feeling tired and missing sleep from spending too long online. Social media encourages potentially damaging images of physical perfection and the inevitable comparisons have been shown to affect mood and cause depression in some youngsters as they try to impress and outdo each other.
Unfortunately, cyber bullying is now the most common issue that secondary school teachers spend valuable time dealing with and has also become an issue in primary schools. Unkind messages can travel to a huge number of people instantly and a one-off flippant or hurtful comment when shared is there forever.
Even the innocent lack of a response on social media can be misconstrued, leaving girls dwelling upon perceived rejection for days. In addition, guidelines about giving consent for posting photos remain blurry: 40 per cent of youngsters admitted feeling anxious when peers posted pictures of them without their permission.
A child’s home used to be an oasis of calm, and a refuge for down time and relaxation. However, social media is now a 24-hour mental onslaught from which they cannot escape. Some youngsters, and adults alike, check their phones as often as every six minutes, frightened that they will miss out on the latest message.
Should my son repeat a year at school? He is the youngest in class and struggling, asks parent
Many primary and secondary schools in Hong Kong have been educating pupils about cyber safety for years. The first official guidance for British schools has just stipulated that all children as young as four should now be taught about internet safety and mental health. Older students will learn about the dangers of sharing private photos and communicating with strangers on social media.
In addition, general advice and reminders include putting away phones while crossing the road and prohibiting screens at the dinner table, enabling conversation and eye contact between family members. Parents themselves need to be good role models by not being seen to be constantly on their screens.
Parents were also warned to be strict about removing all screens from bedrooms at night to make sure their children get enough sleep. Some children were found to be secretly using the internet while their parents were asleep.
Also, the use of electronic devices in the dark is harmful to eyesight, making the pupils dilate, allowing more blue light to enter the eye. This further disrupts the body clock, too.
Many parents feel they have lost control of their children’s online activities. Supervising time limits for phones and laptops causes a great deal of friction in the home and although it is very tricky for parents, remains vital.
Technology, if used wisely, has many benefits. One of the most valuable things parents can do is to educate their children about the pros and cons of being online. If you do decide to allow your daughter to follow in her friends’ footsteps, make sure you have regular and open discussions, reminding her about the dangers of social media and using the internet responsibly.
Ultimately, young people need to learn to make good technology choices themselves as these habits will follow them into future life.
Julie McGuire is a former Hong Kong primary school teacher
