However, if they are playing hide and seek just to make you try harder, you should resist the temptation to chase. Instead, you need to do the opposite and keep a distance.

When a person blows hot and cold, they often want you to react and give them the attention they crave. When this happens, you should stand your ground – ignore them, be yourself, be independent and show them you are not affected by their behaviour. If you give in and satisfy their ego, even just once, they know you will always react and run to them.

According to clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist Dr Kristin Zeising, when people blow hot and cold it’s likely a power play.

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“Most of the time, they are trying to have control in the relationship because they don’t want to get hurt. It also means they aren’t available for true intimacy because it can be too scary for them,” she says. This kind of behaviour creates a dynamic of “push and pull” that, in turn, generates a sense of longing and pursuit.

“In the ‘hot’ phase, you feel attention and attraction and it can feel intense. Then comes the ‘cold’ phase when they pull away, making you crave their attention and yearn for them,” Zeising explains.

As a result, it leaves you feeling rejected, confused, frustrated – or even powerless. “People may blow hot and cold consciously or unconsciously, but it’s a cycle that keeps the relationship in an ‘up and down’ state,” she says.

It’s a way for the person playing coy to feel loved, without running the risk of truly being vulnerable and potentially getting hurt, Zeising explains.

In most relationships, couples experience a natural push-and-pull dynamic because one has a stronger desire for closeness, while the other needs some distance. As a result, this creates a certain degree of space, she says.

When one pulls away, it’s natural for the other to want to do the chasing to combat their anxiety, she adds. “Whether it’s showing them more love or giving them attention, you may feel like you want to fix the relationship, to make things better when they are cold.”

Zeising advises that it’s best to address the dynamic head on once you recognise it, rather than playing into it. This means you can bring up with your partner that you are aware of the dynamic – but be sure to confront them gently and honestly.

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While talking through their emotions can potentially improve things, the way you address it is important, she says. “Calmly state how you feel, without assigning blame and see how they respond. If they are defensive, get aggressive or discount your feelings in any way, then it shows that they are not open to honest communication.

“If they can’t, or won’t, admit to the behaviour or are defensive, you can then recognise this dynamic isn’t likely to go away on its own.

“But if they’re able to open up about it and take ownership, this may be worth working on. If they agree to continue the conversation, and you feel the relationship is worth it, see where it can go.”

For those who have just started dating, this is a red flag, she warns. “Any behaviour you put up with now will be reinforced and likely to continue into the future.

“Therefore, you need to recognise that the relationship is simply a game to them, which means they may not have the capacity for an honest, authentic relationship. So you need to be honest with yourself about that moving forward.”

However, if they are seemingly interested in you when spending time together and you feel a mutual connection is forming, then they may simply be playing hard to get.

On the other hand, Zeising warns, if you’re starting to feel badly about yourself or feel like you’re not being respected, it’s a sign they may be trying to manipulate you.

How do we know when it’s worth fixing a partner who indulges in this unstable behaviour and when to call it quits?

Zeising explains: “A deep, meaningful relationship is one that is more consistently hot; it consists of feeling warmth, love, and appreciation. If the relationship is mostly satisfying and makes you happy but your partner has this hot and cold pattern, then it’s worth addressing to see what they are willing to work on.

“Getting professional help may be beneficial if it is a long-standing dynamic. If they aren’t willing to address it and make you feel bad for bringing it up, then that’s not a good sign.”

The bottom line is this: don’t surrender your power, no matter how much you love the person. And never let anyone play with your emotions or control your reactions. You are master and commander of your feelings and worth, and no one else can convince you otherwise.

Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post