Hold the money phone, Floyd Mayweather is coming out of retirement in 2020 to fight?
Wait … really, seriously? Who cares about him again? Who is he fighting now, a homeless man by a dumpster in an alleyway on the outskirts of Las Vegas? A hobbit in the forests of Middle Earth for a bunch of Castars? Is he fighting Manny Pacquiao on the International Space Station? No? Then I don’t care and you shouldn’t either.
In all honesty, I can’t see how anyone could get up for another round of Mayweather press campaigns, Gucci backpacks full of American bills and Rolex watches that are so expensive they could fund new wings of hospitals. This guy is a PR blowhard cashing in on our inability to realise he is no longer a legitimate boxer. Shame on us, because this guy clearly has no shame.
To recap, Mayweather took to Instagram to post a photo of himself wearing boxing tape on his hands with a short caption that read “Coming out of retirement in 2020”.
Good for you buddy, what is it going to be this time? Watching you duck and dodge Pacquiao’s punches for 12 snoozefest rounds while you rake in millions and send pay-per-view viewers to their pillows?
Or will you take on Conor McGregor, who is a UFC fighter and not a boxer (duh!), and dance around all Sunday stroll-like for another 10 like in 2017?
Or maybe you’ll fight another no name like Andre Berto who has no business stepping in the ring with you? Or how about another Japanese kick-boxing star in what should be put into Webster’s Dictionary as the definition of a “cash grab”. Or what about a kangaroo in the Australian outback, or a stubborn lawn chair that won’t close properly?
The 42-year-old American (professional boxing record 50-0) hasn’t had a watchable fight since his back-to-back tilts against Argentinian Marcos Maidana in 2014, and for good reason: he is well past his prime, milking previous stardom and laughing all the way to the bank with dump trucks of greenbacks.
The Instagram post was retweeted by none other than UFC president Dana White, who was seated with “Money” courtside at a recent NBA game, further igniting rumours of a move into mixed martial arts. C’mon really?
Okay maybe I would watch that given he would surely get his lunch money stolen from him via a lovely ground and pound. The pair have openly stated they are working together on another event, and unless it is an octagon tilt, one wonders, why are we being subjected to this and why are we consenting to it?
Mayweather previously said publicly he was finished with boxing and wanted to focus on other endeavours. The 1996 Olympic bronze medallist has also already retired twice, which pretty much takes all of the meaning out of the word “retirement”.
If you retired from your job, and then came back to work, would your boss just give you your old desk back and cancel your pension? How about if you did that twice, or three times? I think Mayweather does not understand the meaning of this three syllables noun one bit, but no one seems to be calling him out on it.
For someone who has repeatedly shown the only person he really cares about is himself, and also has a proven, convicted track record of assaulting women, I can’t understand or even fathom why we give this guy the time of day.
He has repeatedly exhibited that his fights will not only not be boring, but also be incredibly frustrating to watch, given he is the master of defensively minded, watching-paint-dry boxing strategies.
Please, for my sanity, and for the sake of turning over a new leaf in 2020 and moving away from the mindless hot air that ignites anytime Mayweather posts on social media, can we just ignore whatever comes of this announcement?
Unfollow him on Twitter and Instagram, and turn off your Google Alerts, because a recent quantum experiment confirmed that if you don’t watch something, it does not exist in reality.
How amazing would it be to witness no one attend or buy this fight? To see Mayweather stroll out into an empty arena, or be beaten in television ratings by Dancing with the Stars or the five hundredth season of Survivor.
I know it won’t happen, but I’m done. I don’t care if Mayweather is lined up to fight every single character from Street Fighter II and the entire Mortal Kombat video game series, I will be a hard pass on this one.
Anyone want to join me?